I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
