Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
