Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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Damn victory sex feels great
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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