The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
