what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
