Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
