In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
