There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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