My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
