At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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