I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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