Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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