bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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