Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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