Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
