I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize