So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
