She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
