i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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