someone threw a dead crab at me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
