1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize