I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
