My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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