took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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