I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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