so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
