So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
