SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
