i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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