Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
