I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
