no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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