NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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