you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
COCAINE IS GR8
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
