then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
