I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
