we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
