dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
