perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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