Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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