He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
