I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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