I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
