I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
