sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
