Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
