we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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