just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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