Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
