I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
