i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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