WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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