I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
