hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
