i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
