Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
