This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
