"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
