come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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