If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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